Ralph I. Dyer Obituary

This is to inform you that I, Ralph Dyer, am dead. I died on January 3, 2024, at age 73. I do not know if it
was a surprise or because of lingering illness. It does not matter. I am already interred – no visitation,

no funeral or memorial service to attend. You're welcome.

To make sure that you have the right Ralph Dyer, I was the one born in Harrisburg, PA on July 1, 1950,

and was raised in Reed Township, Halifax, Dauphin County. My parents were Elwood H. Dyer, Sr. and

Charlotte I. (Thumma) Dyer. I had two brothers, Elwood (Woody) H. Dyer, Jr. of Marysville, PA, and

James D. Dyer of Reed Township. I had one sister, Janette R. Gordon of Dover, PA.

I was married to Karen (Markley) Dyer for almost 49 years. She undoubtedly was the best thing that

ever happened to me, and I treated her like the goddess she was – that is my side of the story. We had

two sons: Nathan and Jacob. Both have grown into successful, socially responsible, productive citizens –

meaning they have great jobs, have never been arrested (fairly sure), and continue to pay a lot in taxes.

Nathan and his wife Jocelyn (Heyman) are responsible for two of my granddaughters – Maddy and

Libby; Jacob and his wife Courtney (Albright) are responsible for my only grandson – Noah, and

granddaughter – Molly.

I was predeceased by my tonsils and adenoids; my entire left knee; my total left shoulder; most of my

teeth and hair; and a section of my prostate. Dozens of my original bones were broken, many of them

repeatedly. I was an athlete in several sports during my early years, but not particularly good at any of

them - hence the broken bones. Fortunately, my razor-sharp brain survived, undiminished, to the end –

just like new. I never used it much.

I was well educated at several academic institutions – none of which deserve any recognition nor my

money. They all turned into leftist indoctrination centers. Colleges and Universities in America today

graduate an ever-increasing percentage of social imbeciles.

I worked from my young years until the day I died. I never knew what I wanted to do when I "grew -up."

So, I pursued and explored many different career opportunities. I did a lot of things poorly and became

bored with any monotonous routine. I am incredibly grateful that the US Army let me hang around long

enough to retire. Even that career was accomplished with no long-term plan. I just put on the uniform

one day, one week, one month, one year at a time until they said I could retire. Thinking back, I believed

they said, "Would you please retire." I was very appreciative of the generous pension and lifetime

medical benefits from you taxpayers.

I was actively involved in all the community activities that I could not buy my way out of serving: little

league coaching without any real baseball knowledge; begrudgingly worked the concession stands for

many other sports and related activities; was a school board member and a college trustee. I served as a

Rotarian, a Freemason, and a Kentucky Colonel – no, not that "Kentucky Colonel." I am now a "dead"

member of both the NRA and the American Legion.

I was a deeply religious person – just not your religion. I reached a comfortable understanding regarding

the Grand Architect of the Universe early in my adult life. This understanding centered on my belief that

I was not smart enough to understand much of anything about religion. I compare my ability to

comprehend God to an ordinary bird comprehending the space shuttle. My brain did not evolve enough

to understand abstract ideas that have no beginning or no end. I believe that I existed for a reason –

just no clue what it was. So, I tried to live my life by giving more than what I received; doing good over

evil; love thy neighbor (that was particularly hard, most of my neighbors were socialist liberals); and do

not screw things up. I hope the Creator likes craft beer, single malt scotch, pizza, and the Pittsburgh

Steelers. If not, I am willing to adjust. I really wish there was a way to let you know how things turned

out.

After two generations have passed, nobody will ever know who I was – nor care. I do not want to take

up space in a cemetery with my name engraved into a rock that is meaningless. I have decided to

"swim with the fishes" on my terms. My cremated remains will be mixed with concrete and made into a

large reef ball with holes throughout so the fish can swim around and through. It is somewhat like

scattering my ashes at sea – only this is more like dumping them as a very heavy concrete object. If

future generations want to know where I am buried, my immediate survivors can give them GPS

coordinates. EternalReefs.com – check them out.

No flowers – remember, I am already interred. if you knew me, thought you may have known me,

disliked me and glad that I am dead, never knew me but have extra money to throw away, I would

encourage you to donate to one of the following very worthwhile causes: the NRA; the Landmark Legal

Foundation; the Jewish Institute for National Security Affairs; the Heritage Foundation; and Hospice of

Central PA.

Thanks for reading. I am now returning to experiencing my future.